A Christian View of Same-Sex Marriage: Weeks 1&2: with references and study questions

Week 1:

There is a familiarity in the debate about same-sex marriage, a predictable cycle involving traditions and institutions that tends to play out pretty regularly in America. Public opinion, especially among younger generations, starts to favor a break with long held tradition, older generations react to this by passing laws to defend those traditions. Passions are inflamed, things are said. Public opinion swells, time passes, the old guard fades and traditions fall. We’ve seen this all before: in the 1910s, women sought equal access to the voting booth, in the 60s, blacks sought equal access to public education, this time it’s about equal access to marriage. Marriage is one of our most cherished institutions, but America is a land of reinvention, a land where traditions seldom survive the urge for forward momentum. It’s inevitable, then, that we will become a country that protects the rights of same-sex couples to marry, to share property, parental rights, a stable home and all the other benefits marriage confers. It’s what America does. We’re a country that prides itself on extending the blessings of liberty and equality to all people, widening that circle of blessings with each generation. Eventually, the issue of same-sex marriage will be seen as an issue of rights, laws will be passed protecting those rights, and we’ll move on. The debate about same-sex marriage, then, is not all that suspenseful. If you want a really interesting discussion, talk about the Christian response to the reality of same-sex marriage.

What makes this particular discussion interesting is that it’s not necessarily about the Christian attitude towards gays or same-sex couples, it’s more about our attitude towards the Bible. Christians follow Jesus, who said he came to fulfill the law, the words of Hebrew scripture, down to the smallest stroke of each letter (Matthew 5:17-18). So of course we hold our Bible in the highest respect, a Bible that holds definitely negative views on homosexuality (Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9, 1 Timothy 1:9-10). On the other hand, Jesus had a funny way of fulfilling the law. You’d figure he would be a strict literalist – separating himself from impure folks, no work on the Sabbath, the whole nine yards. But he wasn’t. Case in point: the Pharisees brought a woman accused of adultery to Jesus. The law required this woman be stoned to death – would Jesus abide by the law? He could have played it safe, said something like “God said it, I believe it and that settles it!” – and stepped back as the stones started to fly. This is the kind of Jesus in which some would like to believe - it’s not the one found in the Bible, though. Jesus wasn’t interested in the easy, bumper sticker approach to scripture. He did the hard thing, the risky thing, sacrificing his safety as well as the literal words of scripture to save this woman. He also came up with a better catch phrase: “Whoever is without sin, go ahead and throw the first stone” (John 8:1-11). Jesus wasn’t a literalist: he had read the laws against adultery, but refused to let the crowd stone the woman. He knew the purity laws, but still spoke to and touched the unclean. This was sacrificial stuff – all in the name of love, because love, Jesus said, is how you fulfill the law: the entire Bible, the smallest stroke of every last letter, it all boils down to this: love God with everything you’ve got and love your neighbor as well (Matthew 22: 37-40). Both of these, all the time, at the same time. This is why the church has been able to condemn slavery despite biblical passages supporting it (1 Corinthians 7:21, Ephesians 6:5-7, 1 Timothy 6:1); it is why many Protestant denominations now welcome women into the ministry, despite biblical prohibitions against women even speaking in church (1 Corinthians 14: 34-35, 1 Timothy 2:11-12). Following Jesus, we have learned how to fulfill the words of the bible, sacrificing our comfortable positions inside its literal meaning in order to love our neighbor. The alternative to all these issues – condoning slavery, prohibiting women from the ministry – violates the rule of love and the underlying principles of the Bible. It is also why Christians find plenty of room for debate about same-sex marriage despite biblical condemnation of homosexuality. More on that next week.

Week 2:

Because America is a country of ever expanding protections and freedoms, same-sex marriage will eventually be legalized. How will Christians respond? In last week’s column, I discussed how the Christian reaction is not about our feelings towards gays as much as it is about how we read our Bible. Jesus modeled an approach to scripture that sometimes broke with its literal words in favor of its two overarching rules: love God with everything you have and love your neighbor as yourself – at the same time, all the time. In order to fulfill these twin loves, Jesus violated the literal words of scripture, touching the leper and protecting the adulteress from punishment. In our day, we encounter passages of scripture which perpetuate ancient inequalities and prejudices against women, making it hard to “love your neighbor as yourself”. Because of Jesus’ approach to scripture, many Christians work for the equality of women anyway. His instruction to interpret scripture in light of the twin loves also gives us room to debate same-sex marriage despite biblical passages that condemn homosexuality.

This, of course, is where the dialogue ends for many Christians. Christians are sacrificial people – they follow Jesus in sacrificing their possessions, their time and sometimes their lives – but don’t ask them to sacrifice the Bible. Once you start throwing out certain passages, the argument runs, what prevents you from throwing the whole book out the window? To a lot of Christians, this emphasis on the twin loves smells like a cop out – discarding inconvenient passages all in the name of “loving your neighbor”. In order to love God fully, they say, you must take the Bible literally. But loving God in this way often comes at the expense of loving your neighbor. Look up Leviticus 18:22 and 1 Cor 6:9. Passages like this have fueled hatred and persecution of gays for centuries, and there’s nothing uglier than a Christian hating a neighbor.

This is an issue where that balanced love of God and neighbor seems impossible. And it is impossible without sacrifice. I know this. For many years, I’ve argued in favor of traditional marriage, seeing it as a way to show my love of God through my respect for the Bible. Gay marriage was an assault on the literal words of scripture. Proponents of gay marriage became opponents, opponents became enemies. In the service of loving God, I sacrificed love of neighbor. But I lost my taste for this kind of thing when I actually met some gay couples; they became friends, not concepts. I found I was being called to lay down some strongly held convictions for my friends, and there is one thing I know – Jesus is okay with laying down some things for your friends (John 15:13).

Here’s the thing: every Christian action is in deference to and in fulfillment of the twin loves. All of our convictions, traditions, our religious observances and scripture must align with this. The tradition of marriage is not good just because it’s marriage. Like going to church, singing hymns, reading the bible – none of these are good in and of themselves, but only to the extent that they promote love of God and neighbor. If marriage frees you from the passions and distractions of single life and brings you closer to God, it is a good thing. If not, it’s not a good thing (1 Corinthians 7:7-9, 32-40). If marriage between a same-sex couple gives them safe harbor, a stable relationship and rights and protections that removes distractions, freeing them for a closer walk with God, then same-sex marriage becomes a good thing, a godly thing. There is no scripture, no tradition for which we are asked to sacrifice the twin loves. Rather we are called to sacrifice everything – our comforts, convictions, traditions and at times even scripture, in order to find that perfect balance between loving God and neighbor. Marriage is not what we Christians are here to promote or defend. Life lived in the presence of God, drawing ever closer to the one who wants us closer to Him, this is our destiny, our purpose in life and the end to which we live and sacrifice. Everything else is on the block.

 

Questions for discussion:

1. In part one, the writer says that the debate over same sex marriage has similarities to earlier debates about women's suffrage and the civil rights movement of the 60s. Do you agree with this? Why or why not? Would you describe the privilege of marriage as a "right" that should be protected by law? Use the following links to explore some of the rights and privileges granted through marriage.   Letter from GAO detailing 1,138 federal rights conferred by marriage ; Summary of some state and federal rights granted by marriage

2. Do you agree that same-sex marriage is "inevitable" as the author claims? Why or why not? Refer to the following Pew-Forum poll to aid your discussion: Pew-Forum poll: Changing attitudes on gay marriage. Why do you think that attitudes towards same-sex marriage are changing?

3. In Matthew 5:17-18, Jesus said that he came to fulfill the law so that "not one stroke of a letter will pass from the law until all is accomplished." How do you reconcile that statement with the actions Jesus performed such as healing on the sabbath and allowing his disciples to collect grain on the sabbath (Matthew 12:1-14), touching a leper and protecting the adulteress?

4. There is a popular bumper sticker that reads “God said it, I believe it and that settles it!”About which bible passages are you able to apply this bumper sticker? In other words, which bible passages are you able to apply and follow literally in your Christian walk? With which biblical passages do you struggle and find that you cannot apply literally? What makes the difference to you?

5. Let's talk about some specific biblical passages which are almost universally disregarded by Christians as culturally irrelevant.

• Regarding slavery: read 1 Corinthians 7:21, Ephesians 6:5-7, 1 Timothy 6:1. Also you can use the following website to research the church's past support of slavery: Reasons to support slavery proposed by some 19th century churches. Obviously, Christians reject these biblical passages that view slavery in a positive light. Given that we are to follow Jesus' example in fulfilling "each stroke" of each letter of the law, how do you reconcile Christianity's rejection of slavery with our respect for scripture?
• Regarding the role of women in the church: this subject is more controversial. Many protestant denominations ordain women to the ministry, others do not, while the Roman Catholic Church prohibits all women from the priesthood. Read 1 Corinthians 14: 34-35 and 1 Timothy 2:11-12. Why do you think some churches have been able to view these passages as no longer applicable to the church and why some others have had difficulty in doing so?

6. In John 15:13, Jesus tells his disciples that the way to fulfill his command to love one another is through sacrifice. Although we are not usually called to lay down our life for each other, the Christian way is based on a sacrificial love, emulating Jesus as our prime example. The author proposes that welcoming same-sex couples into the church involves sacrifice. What sacrifice is involved here? Do you agree or disagree that we may be called to disregard (or sacrifice) portions of scripture in order to love our neighbor? Think about the passages regarding slavery discussed above. The church has been able to disregard these passages as culturally irrelevant. What prevents many in the church from also disregarding passages such as Leviticus 18:22 and 1 Cor 6:9 as culturally irrelevant?
 
7.   Perhaps the author's most challenging statement is this: "If marriage between a same-sex couple gives them safe harbor, a stable relationship and rights and protections that removes distractions, freeing them for a closer walk with God, then same-sex marriage becomes a good thing, a godly thing." Do you believe that a same-sex relationship can bring someone into a closer relationship with God? Why or why not? Is there a difference in your mind between a stereotypical "gay lifestyle" and a committed same-sex relationship?
 
Thank you for using this study guide and for reading my column. I realize that this is a topic that inflames passions and ignites division in the church, but it is a topic with which we all must wrestle, especially as same-sex marriage gains acceptance in our culture. God calls both sides of this issue to love each other; I wrote this column as a description of my faith journey in pursuing that love to which we are called. I pray that in reading and discussing this column, you have been able to harbor a greater love both for your neighbor and for the God who loves us all equally. I would greatly appreciate hearing your feedback. You can leave a message on my blog, or e-mail me at jlwright64@gmail.com.

-Jim Wright